or Sometimes you just don’t feel like it.

Hello Friends!

I wanted to touch on this since it’s been a rough year for my already, and it drives me nuts when I am in a high mode that I wasn’t able to get anything done when I was down. I want to let other people know IT’S OKAY and it happens to other people.

I was going to say Depression, but I don’t want to, mostly due to stigma, it really is such a touchy thing, but also because I am not diagnosed. My brother is Bi-polar & my mother was on Anxiety meds while she worked (most of her life). I feel pretty comfortable saying if nothing else, its anxiety, but whatever. Anyway let me repeat it, because I know I have to say it to myself periodically when in the downturns.

It’s going to be okay.

For me, I track my MEH days as such:

Meh – empty feelings | Nonproductive – ‘okay’ but not able to focus | Sad – really hard days where sometimes I want to go under my desk and cry (and do). I track this with my planner. I dunno my triggers, if I have one. For me, when I am down, it doesn’t make sense to my brain. I feel fine, everything is going  great, I have money – food – love – home is safe, I am just baffled. This is the hardest thing to share with other people, it’s so confuting. That’s why I repeat ‘it’s going to be okay’ to myself throughout the day. You almost have to it feels so weird.

But I wanted to put it out there because for whatever reason it is catching up with me. I am logging all my stuff this month to see if there is anything I can find in there that triggers it. Overall I just think it’s chemicals in my brain, not so much a trigger. This is always helpful – I have added some trackers this last month to track sleep, mood, bills, etc so you can keep an eye on your own.

I also want to put out there, St. John Wart(<-Amazon Affiliate link) helps me. I don’t care if it is a placebo or really works, it helps. I was looking for something several years ago, that could help but I did not want to go to a Doctor. I personally hate going to doctors. I am also concerned about the the side effects of other drugs, not to mention how long it can take to find one that works for you. SO after some research I found online this can work for minor cases. It has been proven as effective as placebos for major depression as well. Google it if you want. Bonus, if you have teeth pain or a nerve issue, I personally have found this work on that pain as well. They think it has the ability to block some of the nerves, but as with most medicine, no one really knows.

Anyway, I wanted to throw that out there for anyone who is struggling.

I’d like to say you can power through, but honestly if you are struggling with any type of mood disorder, you know how BS that statement is. I know I make the list ‘this is what I am going to do when I get home’ and then I get home and I can barely make it to my bed before eating. It sucks. There is no other way around it. I donno how to fix it either. I hope you find what works for you and remember that IT IS OKAY to do nothing if it helps you feel better now. It’s just so hard to explain. I really muddle through work, do the things I prioritize, then usually crash immediately when I get home.

Again, It’s okay. You will be okay.

 

I hope this helps anyone who is feeling terrible about being a lazy lump because they feel empty or sad. You are not alone. It will pass when it passes, and if you are feeling hopeless, please ask for help. They even have chat rooms now:

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Sorry if this was a bit of a downer post, but I wanted to say it to help myself and others. Here is to better, more productive days!