Assuming positive intent
Happy Monday,
This is a conversation about workplace and relationships D: I would 100% prefer people tell me my mistakes. I just realized like a few weeks ago that the period wheel, that many people have bought, has a mistake in it and no one let me know. I was so surprised, and fixed it of course, but I wish I had known sooner.
As awkward as it sounds, my job has made me much less reactive. Past jobs really made it seem like the end of the world and honestly just made me feel bad about mistakes that we all make as humans. In reality, if a position requires items perfected there should be a process for checking and reviewing items. This is a failure of process, not the person. Usually they maybe too cheap or won’t spend the time. If you are in this spot, try suggesting a review process or submitting it to your boss to approve. Then you have trail of ‘but you said it was good’. I hate when this happens, it feels terrible no matter what, but it is why a process should exist.
If you have ever worked in design or freelance, you probably already do this with a few people, then the client. I can’t tell you the amount of people who have been like ‘go’ and didn’t read it.
What is Postitive Intent
Assuming positive intent is, I liked Linkedin’s best but give it a search: “extending the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others”.
I feel like my office handles it amazingly. We have a policy of ‘positive intent’ which means if we have an issue or conversation we should both LISTEN and GIVE BACK with positive intent, i.e. the person talking to us maybe pointing out a mistake, or feedback, but they mean no harm and actually just want to help and uplift. It feels amazing in the practice, and I won’t lie it took about 6 months to really get use to it. My office actually means it and it’s hard to foster that since of security.
I adapted this in my relationship too, which sounds like you should automatically do that anyway. I know I didn’t because there were times when I was annoyed and felt myself trying to find out what I was missing or how it best benefited them. I do think its normal still to question things, obviously people make mistakes and not everyone is going to be a good person, but I felt like at this point for me, it was feeling petty. So I adapted and tried to start with this in mind and I feel as communication has improved for us.
He doesn’t tell me something he would want with the intention of me being annoyed and doubling down, like clutter on the counters, it’s because it bothers him and he wants me to do better so the house is cleaner. It’s not a score system, ‘well you didn’t put your dishes away’ either. It’s a mindset shift and its really hard, no matter where you are in a relationship. These sound stupid but you know there’s something that drives your partner nuts you might do and just forget and keep doing it, they don’t mention it to one up you, it just bothers them. They may need to work on how they communicate the problem to you as well, as words can feel bad.
In the end, its about not being defensive and making excuses, and just communicating better. It’s so strange as it seems like this would be common in your actions with everyone, but I suggest taking a moment to reflect and see if you are silently keeping score.
I wanted to bring this into this mistake, as I fixed it now, and just want to express if I make a mistake on calendars, even freebies! Just let me know. I’ll fix it and get it back out. I thought this concept has been really helpful in my life and this was the perfect time to share it with this update.
Happy planning~