ADHD Symptoms that made me get diagnosed

August 6, 2024

Hey friends,

Let’s talk about how I decided, then got my diagnose, and doubts that I still have. This post is full of just AFK stuff about me, as an FYI

TDLR:

Internet made me doubt my brain, I reached out to Spark mental health first to get started and first diagnosis, then I went to a local psychologist who worked with my regular Denver health care provider to get me on medication. I mourned who I could have been since I was in my 30s when I got this diagnosis and coming to terms with having this disability. Yes, it is considered a developmental disability and there are accommodations you can get for school or work(if you trust them enough). Woman were considered unable to get ADHD in the 90’s+ so there is a whole ton of missed woman in our generation, it’s not over diagnosed. This doctor on YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023 is awesome to watch and makes me feel better about it usually.

What, you don’t think in zigzags?

First, I decided to seek advice from a doctor after seeing many post online, as many woman have in the last two years. The post that got me to start questioning ‘haha everyone has a bit of ADHD’ was the post that discusses the way of thinking. I couldn’t find it but I originally saw it on Pinterest, if it pops up I’ll add it.

It goes something like; ‘I was talking to someone and we were just discussing bees and I brought up what season they liked best and they asked how I got there. I explained to them, bees made me think of my grandma and that one summer I got stung by the football stadium, and then when I use to play football the circus would come into town in August and then I thought how much I like fall, so I asked them about seasons. They looked at m like I was I was crazy in how my thoughts went.’ – not my experience but the quote I came across.

This. This SOB story related a little to much, so I literally showed it to my partner, who was also like no one normal thinks this way, which at the time I didn’t feel bad as I knew I was pretty weird but we’ve been working on communication for years, but it did make me go ‘huh’. More research needed. So I ended up hyper focusing on it and there ya go. How I got to the conclusion of I had ADHD.

Now, I see a clear pattern of issues as a kid. Not only was my brother diagnosed (commonly in families), but I was also both in Gifted classes as well as a remedial math class. At the same time. I always thought that was weird as a kid. I even had brain buzzes (a common serotonin or SSRI issue, known as brain zaps) that I thought was related to depression. Well it turns out if you have untreated ADHD it comes out as anxiety and depression, typically. Which I was on medications for both.

Internet doctors and the pandemic

I first reached out to internet doctors. With all the research I did, I saw it was nearly impossible to get into a psychology evaluation for like 6 months, so I reached out to Spark mental health first. These days you can get ADHD medication that is not necessary a stimulant, so this is where we started since it was a quick evaluation to get started. She also tacked on some heart pills for sleep and anxiety. I love these. I tried Strattera and loved it immediately D: it was insane how much better it was.

After a few months I was able to get into a physiologist here in Denver, and my normal Doctor was fine with keeping my Spark prescription going. We eventually switched to buPROPion x naltrexone combo as I am fat and this combo helps with diet as well. Not as much as I want, am trying other things next >>; but I did drop about 20lbs on it with no effort.

It was hella expensive to get the final diagnosis T_T it was over $900 out of pocket, and I have great insurance. I think it was like 3 or 4k without. So this is insane if you have to pay out of pocket. I did the full diagnosis for the disability notice – I am able to get accommodations at work and such. This has been immensely helpful and honestly, been some major realization that yes, this is a disability and I think differently, I have freak outs if I loose all the spoons 🫠 and it just makes it so much easier to forgive myself for things.

I also got the disability pass for the parks, if you are having trouble accepting your diagnosis, the life you could have had if you knew sooner, and just general usual emotions of getting diagnosed later in life, this is a perk that made me feel better. I found this in the subreddit for ADHD woman.

The emotions are complex on this. Just briefly, I was pissed for awhile as my brother was diagnosed at 6. SIX. At the time, it was thought girls couldn’t get it. I get that but its such bullshit. If I was diagnosed where would I be? Would I be fat? I have such horrible control with resisting things. It’s why I never tried drugs. It’s hard to say no. Would I have been able to do better math classes in college? I wanted to do double major in Financial stuff but I kept failing math classes so I had to switch. What have I missed out on because I couldn’t PHYSICALLY do the same as everyone else? It’s a lot to really process. Then you have to accept its a disability and that is OK, which is a whole other piece.

I am also working on an Autistic diagnosis as its commonly presented together and it seems to make sense, again brother was on the spectrum and I while I function more in society norms that he does, I’ve basically realized why I’m always tired when I have to be social. I struggle with people cues and internal emotions.

ADHD is different for different people.

This sounds like duh. But when I see instagrams or videos of people talking about their ADHD, it gives me doubts. Mainly its the time blindness thing, as that is such a huge part of ADHD. I think, for me, I just mask it really hard. I’ve always loved planners, clearly, and I have like 30 alarms >>; and I use timers for everything but I’m not late to things so I must not have ADHD. This kills me on the inside. I’m never late, because I am 15 minutes early. This was beaten into us in school, they locked us out of classes in college if we were late 😬

This is my personal biggest doubt, which is stupid. I had literally 4 alarms on my watch and 5 on my phone today to ensure I made it to an early appointment, which I arrived 15 minutes or more early too and just waited in the car.

My biggest symptoms:

  • Small mistakes in things – even if I go slow, doesn’t matter. I counter this now by doing it, then taking a break, like a day if I can, then come back and review. Mistakes include wrong words, letters, missing things or filling out blanks in the wrong way (usually read the question wrong kinda fixes). This has been the biggest issue for me, as it effects work quality.
  • Easily distracted – absolutely happens to me. I get off track easy, I struggle with motivation, etc.
  • Overwhelm – I know I cause this myself, but again the ADHD Dr. from the TDLR above, put it best in a speech I saw. Someone planning a wedding will look at the tasks and immediately see them in a hierarchy order, date, colors, invites, dress, cake, etc. ADHD prevents this somehow, you can’t organized them in any particular order very well. To do it takes so much energy. Everything feels important so nothing gets done. 🫠 Here is the reel.
  • Executive dysfunction – “is a behavioral symptom that disrupts a person’s ability to manage their own thoughts, emotions and actions” from google. It goes with the listing above, but also involved just being human things. I hate laundry, I have enough clothes to keep laundry to a minimal otherwise I’d just die naked. I hate planning food – I love cooking for the most part but at least 1x a month I get a few days in a roll where nothing taste good, like at all and I just would rather die than eat. It’s ridiculous and sucks. Normal chores and health items are as a frustrating. I could never explain this properly and I’ve been called lazy my whole life and now it makes sense why there is like, an invisible wall stopping you.

Also if you were not aware, because women, hormones effect ADHD different – another reason men and woman are different. So you cycle changes how your symptoms effect you throughout the month.

Other quirks I find I have are: doom piles – I love my piles, fight me. Difficulty with waiting or routines. Interrupting has been an issue all my life but I’ve gotten OK with it as an adult. I sometimes don’t listen to the things around me because in my head I am just going ‘wait, wait, wait don’t be rude’ on repeat until I can talk, but it’s better. I’ve always fidgeted as well, so I got a few fun toys I keep around now to help in meetings.

I am 100% impulsive. Again the Dr. did a speech where he mentioned emotions and when ADHD is overly heated, their impulsiveness is dangerous. I feel this and it’s always bothered me. In the heated moment (granted, I am talking very heated, pissed off moment) nothing matters and I’ve felt like violence would make me feel better and I didn’t care of the consequences. Too blinded by it to see anything in the future, just the ‘now’.

Yeah I check all the boxes essentially.

We were on a vacation and I was skipping medicine on a few days, I tend to skip sometimes just because, probably ADHD.

Honestly, I take so many pills I get tired of it. I take 2 ADHD, fish oil (as it was suggested with ADHD), birth control, allergy. I was also taking a B complex every other day and a cranberry every other day. It was a lot so I’ve stopped taking the vitamins as much.

By the 3rd day of the vacation, which I was driving on I could barely focus on the boring roads. You know the ones I mean when you are driving long distances. It literally made my brain buzz. I realized it about a day later why it was happening, but yeah. Amazing difference in my focus and ability to sit still medicated vs not.

This is a lot of personal struggles and realizations. I hope it helps you figure out where to start if you are questioning this. Apparently ADHD is very common, it was just believed woman couldn’t get it for so long. A whole generation of lost woman are figuring out why they need 3 planners, 20 alarms and keep losing their credit card. It’s crazy.

Resources:

Posted in ADHD, AFK