ADHD Symptoms that made me get diagnosed

October 9, 2023

Let’s talk about how I decided, then got my diagnosis, and doubts that I still have.

Hey friends,

TDLR:

Internet made me doubt my brain, I reached out to Spark mental health first to get started and first diagnosis, then I went to a local psychologist who worked with my regular Denver health care provider to get me on medication. I mourned who I could have been since I was in my 30s when I got this diagnosis and coming to terms with having this disability. Yes, it is considered a developmental disability and there are accommodations you can get for school or work(if you trust them enough). Woman were considered unable to get ADHD in the 90’s+ so there is a whole ton of missed woman in our generation. This doctor on you-tube https://www.youtube.com/@russellbarkleyphd2023 is awesome to watch.

What, you don’t think in zigzags?

First, I decided to seek advice from a doctor after seeing many post online, as many woman have in the last two years. The post that got me to start questioning ‘haha everyone has a bit of ADHD’ was the post that discusses the way of thinking. I couldn’t find it but I originally saw it on Pinterest, if it pops up I’ll add it.

It goes something like; I was talking to someone and we were just discussing bees and I brought up what season they liked best and they asked how I got there. I explained to them, bees made me think of my grandma and that one summer I got stung by the football stadium, and then when I use to play football the circus would come into town in August and then I thought how much I like fall, so I asked them about seasons. The looked at m like I was I was crazy in how my thoughts went.

This. This S.O.B. story made me feel so related. So I literally showed it to my partner, who was also like no I don’t thinks this way, which at the time I didn’t feel bad as I knew I was pretty weird but did make me go ‘huh’. More research needed. So I ended up focusing on it and there ya go. How I got to the conclusion of I had ADHD.

Now, I see a clear pattern of issues as a kid. Not only was my brother diagnosed (commonly in families), but I was also both in Gifted classes as well as a remedial math class. At the same time. I always thought that was weird as a kid. I even had brain buzzes (a common serotonin or SSRI issue, known as brain zaps) that I thought was related to depression instead. Well it turns out if you have untreated ADHD it comes out as anxiety and depression typically. Which I was on medications for both.

Internet doctors and the pandemic

I first reached out to internet doctors. With all the research I did, I saw it was nearly impossible to get into a psychology evaluation for like 6 months, so I reached out to Spark mental health first. These days you can get ADHD medication that is not necessary a stimulant, so this is where we started since it was a quick evaluation to get started. She also tacked on some heart pills for sleep and anxiety. I love these. I tried Strattera and loved it immediately D: it was insane how much better I felt.

After a few months I was able to get into a physiologist here in Denver, and my normal Doctor was fine with keeping my Spark prescription going. We eventually switched to buPROPion x naltrexone combo as I am fat and this combo helps with diet as well. Not as much as I want, am trying other things next >>; but I did drop about 20lbs on it with no effort.

It was hella expensive to get the final diagnosis T_T it was over $900 out of pocket, and I have great insurance. I think it was like 3 or 4k without. So this is insane if you have to pay out of pocket. I did the full diagnosis for the disability write up – I am able to get accommodations at work and such. This has been immensely helpful and honestly, been some major realization that yes, this is a disability and I think differently, I have freak outs and it just makes it so much easier to forgive myself for things.

I also got the disability pass for the parks, if you are having trouble accepting your diagnosis, the life you could have had if you knew sooner, and just general usual emotions of getting diagnosed later in life, this is a perk that made me feel better. I found this info on the subreddit for ADHD woman.

The emotions are complex on this. Just briefly, I was pissed for awhile as my brother was diagnosed at 6. SIX. At the time, it was thought girls couldn’t get it. I get that but its such bullshit. If I was diagnosed where would I be? Would I be fat? I have such horrible control with resisting things. It’s why I never tried drugs. It’s hard to say no. And the ones you can get, feel great. Would I have been able to do better math classes in college? I wanted to do double major in Financial stuff but I kept failing math classes so I had to switch. What have I missed out on because I couldn’t PHYSICALLY do the same as everyone else? It’s a lot to really process. Then you have to accept its a different ability and that is OK, which is a whole other piece.

ADHD is different for different people.

This sounds like duh. But when I see instagrams or videos of people talking about their ADHD, it gives me doubts. Mainly its the time blindness thing, as that is such a huge part of ADHD. I think, for me, I just mask it really hard. I’ve always loved planners, clearly, and I have like 30 alarms >>; and I use timers for everything but I’m not late to things so I must not have ADHD. This kills me on the inside. I’m never late, because I am 15 minutes early. This was beaten into us in business school, they locked us out of classes in college if we were late T_T

This is my personal biggest doubt, which is stupid. I had literally 4 alarms on my watch and 5 on my phone today to ensure I made it to a early appointment.

My biggest symptoms:

  • Small mistakes in things – even if I go slow, doesn’t matter. I counter this now by doing it, then taking a break, like a day if I can, then come back and review. Mistakes include wrong words, letters, missing things or filling out blanks in the wrong way (read the question wrong).
  • Doom piles – I literally use bins so I can make categories. I am the doom pile queen. A doom pile is essentially stashing random items that need to be organized in one place, to be dealt with later. I just live with this, I love my piles, fight me.
  • Difficulty with routine or boring task – I struggle with keeping routines, as may be evident in past things I’ve written >>; and I’ve always struggled with basic bullshit like consistent teeth brushing. I never understood why but apparently this is just a common ADHD thing.
  • Other ones I notice: Interrupting, needing verbal instructions vs written (then me writing them down in my own way lol), talking to much (or not at all in new situations), trouble focusing on one topic, constant fidgeting both with my hands but also mind drifting.

I don’t consider myself disorganized – which again I think is a habit I over compensate for. And I have decent follow through – I tend to meet deadlines fine. I don’t lose things very much. I still do, but not as often enough I would say it’s an issue. I also know a few other ADHD’rs who do this constantly, and I feel like I do okay here. This has a lot to do with putting the important things in a specific spot. Keys, wallet, phone, all have a spot. I also do the ADHD pat down on the way out, every time. I have left the stove on enough that is an issue in the past. Mediation has helped me immensely in these struggles.

We were on a recent vacation and I was skipping medicine on a few days, I tend to skip sometimes just because, probably ADHD and I forget.

Honestly, I take so many pills I get tired of it. I take 2 ADHD, fish oil (as it was suggested with ADHD), birth control, allergy. I was also taking a B complex every other day and a cranberry every other day. It was a lot so I’ve stopped taking the vitamins as much.

By the 3rd day of the vacation, which I was driving on I could barely focus on the boring roads. You know the ones I mean when you are driving long distances. It literally made my brain buzz. I realized it about a day later why but yeah. Amazing difference in my focus and ability to sit still medicated vs not. I took my medication as soon as I realized.

This is a lot of personal struggles and realizations. I hope it helps you figure out where to start if you are questioning this. Apparently ADHD is very common, it was just believed woman couldn’t get it for so long. A whole generation of lost woman are figuring out why they need 3 planners, 20 alarms and keep losing their credit card. It’s crazy.

I plan to add more information and tips on this journey, and realizations of why habits never stuck.

Resources:

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