AFK Post: Rest is hard
Bleh, friends. Bleh. 2025 was a suppose to be a year of rest, but it really was more like a reset. It’s been a long time since I posted an AFK blog, I really enjoy watching and reading about other peoples life’s as they figure out out, human curiosity right?
2025 felt like 4 years. You know why, and if its not clear, once again I am very left leaning. I grew up in the south, it is what it is; this last year has been a heart break to watch. Just ugh. We moved in 2025, stayed with Family in Florida for 3 months and really enjoyed that; moved to Buffalo, NY from Denver, CO for health and money reasons. Seemed like a good time, we both got laid off at the end of the 2025. Finn passed away in March last year, that has and will continue to be rough. It was just a bit oh year of reset truly. I had hoped last year would be restful. However, I am finding I am leaning more into that here this year.
This years theme is centered around “It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to exist.” And I don’t love this wording but whatever, I like to make a quite sticker or key chain out of the years theme. Haven’t done that and honestly, the more we go into this year, its feeling more like I just need to rest. Recovery maybe. Why? It was such a stressful year last year, the *motions to everything* going on. I did a big reset last year by moving, getting out of debt and just kinda hitting the 0 mark for the first time. I still have student loans, and we had to get some major work on the car last summer so we owe on that, but we are in a place where I feel like I can just do nothing for a bit.
And I’ve been kinda forcing myself to do that.
Stickers, planner ideas, art, it will all be there when I am ready. I know this. Its really hard to make yourself do nothing and NOT feel guilt. But I think I need a few months still of not powering through. Medically I am feeling SO GOOD. We left Denver for cost reasons but also I was not adapting to the high altitude. My doctor was concerned about me, my fingers turned blue periodically and I was just struggling. Along with ADHD, at least that I know of, I have POTs for sure. I think COVID damaged my lungs a smidge at least it hurt a long with the altitude so I have been on an inhaler for the last few years and I don’t need it nearly as much in the lower land air. It sucks, I miss Denver stuff, it was expensive though.
So I have been focusing on that. Feeling better. Which I am. I so happy with my progress. It’s a lot, I am going to go over it cause why not; but I am feeling much better. I am in the process of changing my birth control as well, to a slightly higher dose to see if it evens out moods. I am back on Ozempic. I had originally kept off the 40 lbs I lost last year but gained in back over the holidays. I was so disappointed. Still am. But whatever, we’ll trying again. I know I may have to take it forever but it is absolutely helpful to me and the food noise.
I am still focusing on Fiber with fiber themed foods – still love these wraps, found some bagels too. I also found a protein water I like. Its good for the ADHD meds in the morning. I got a supplemental dose of my ADHD meds for the afternoon to really start taking my evenings back (pretty typical to need a booster if you work in a brain heavy field). I added magnesium last year and continue that. I added creatine this year just a smidge for brain health. I think it is 3000 mg, and I take it in the evening with the magnesium.
SO It is going to sound complex, but essentially I take the Wagovy pill when I wake in the middle of the night anytime (just if I do, if not I do at 7 AM), then I take the ADHD meds, B/C, fish oil, a salt pill, and B vitamins in the morning. I take the extra dose around 2 PM at work, then when I get home with dinner the magnesium and creatine. I still take Clonidine to sleep around 8 or 9 PM. It sounds like a lot, because it is. But it’s working for me and I am hitting all the bases I need right now. I add some Vitamin D in every other day cause, well WNY winter.
I added in the B vitamins in DEC as I was low, via a test. I was really dragging in NOV so I did a blood test thinking it might be ferritin or iron. It was B’s. And to be fair, I know my family genetically struggles with that so I should just take them anyway. Get blood test done if you are tired D: specially in winter.
And now that I have energy, I have been trying to work in more steps. My work base is around 2500, so I have been trying to make sure I get to 5000 at least once a week. I am also stretching and doing light muscle work when I stand around. It’s helping so much. I feel so good like I said. I am hopeful the new birth control will hit the rest of the sad days down, still was having those for about 4 or so days a week. So the theme here has been to rebuild strength and endurance. I could work harder, but the after work energy was low, thus the new supplement pill. I did some testing and talked to my Dr. on that. It’s not even been a week yet but I am so hopeful I will get to how I use to feel: stay up til 10 or so. Good energy, could go out, etc, not just wore out and to bed by 8 or 9 PM. God sometimes 7.
Again, it’s a lot. But I just want to stress you don’t have to just accept the chronic lack of energy. There is absolutely issues that mean you just can’t – its unfair but it is true. But you can check things too. So I just want to emphasis that if you are struggling.
The POTs thing was annoying. My partner had to switch to a low salt diet in JUN ish. and it tried to kill me. I knew I had POTs but I wasn’t like, overly concerned. I had the salt pills, etc but was over all fine. Well, That was because our diet was covering it for me. Even when I was in FL and ate less, we ate richer and salty enough apparently. It really kicked me down for a bit. So now I just straight up take a salt pill in the morning. Then I add more if I feel like I need too. I reach for it if I get a headache first now, since its one of the signs for me. The daily half dose in the morning really works for me though. We really lowered our salt intake by removing premade meats. Surprisingly, those chicken nuggets, secretly a salt lick.
So yes. My AFK plan right now has been light.
If I don’t want to do it, I haven’t been. After work if I wanna just watch TV or scroll, read, play a game. I do. I am still trying to watch my media consumption but honestly, tons of stuff on the backlog no issues there. I have things I definitely want to do and make, I just don’t work on them if I don’t want too right now and I am making myself be okay with that. It’s hard. But I think I need a few weeks of feeling better and resting with this new order of things before I can just go.
The first day I felt better after work I didn’t want to do anything – even sometimes creative stuff – and it made me kinda realize; I am probably running at a major deficit anyway. If it takes a few weeks of that to feel caught up so be it.
I still want a therapist this year though. Deal with that adulting problem later.
So hello age 39 🎂 Literally today, it’s my birthday on this writing day.
So. Fuck the politics and news. Once again, sometimes resting is fine. But you can also send letters or postcards to the government if you are wanting something introvert friendly. Emails, etc. Also vote like your life depends on it, cause it may.
Happy Planning and lets keep going.